24 posts from March 2009

Date: 3/27/2009
Colorgenics Number: 70531426

Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.

You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.

You are a very choosy person - demanding and exacting in your emotional demands and very particular in your choice of partner. You are self-sufficient and as a result of this overbearing nature you find it difficult to establish any depth of deep physical or mental involvement with members of the opposite sex.

You are trying to prove yourself - not only to yourself but also to everyone around you. There is much that you would like to say and do but the situation warrants self-restraint and that is the last thing that you have on your mind. It would seem that you have an unsatisfied need to ally yourself with others whose standards are as high as your own. You want to be different - to stand out from the crowd. This is subjecting you to considerable stress but you tend to stick to your attitudes despite lack of appreciation. Of course, you are finding the situation uncomfortable and would like nothing better but to break away from it but you don't like the idea of compromise. Your main problem is that you are unable to resolve the situation because you continually postpone making the necessary decisions. You feel that if you make the wrong choice this would lead to such opposition that you would not be able to command the esteem of others. It is essential that those around you are prepared to comply with your wishes.

The need for admiration and to be regarded as 'someone special' is perhaps one of the foremost aims in your life at this time. You would like to perhaps do something outrageous or anything that will give you the chance to be recognised as someone special. This desire has now almost become an obsession and in your own way you are trying to fulfil this 'complex' by ensuring you are the centre of attention, both at work or play, or in the home. Stop trying so hard and you will find that people will like you for who you are - not for who you are pretending to be.

If money didn't matter, what job would you most like to have?
Submitted by Rainbird.

I want to be a teacher and know I will be one day. It's something about touching children's lives and motivating them to become better, and then actually seeing them succeed that just does it to me.  The vacations are great and I think it's great career to have as a mother.  In 2 careers I'll be in a classroom - and I can't wait.

When I first started this I was anxious to constantly write. I would go on w/ my bad self and just think 'oh this is bloggable' or 'hell yea i have to blog about that' and now it seems as if i dont have enough time in my day to think.

So much has been going on, but before I forget the slightest details of this weekend, let me just go ahead and write about it.

Last week was a tough week for various reasons - I worked a whole lot, despite being busy had some downtown (thanks to airport delays) to figure out what was really on my mind, identified a solution to the stress in my life and reunited with the bestest gal in the world.  (The reunion wasn't the tough part - it was the aftermath).

So I'm on a new team at my job and am working longer hours.  The work is interesting and definitely worth doing, its just hard to transition into getting out of work after 8 pm, even on travel days... I forgot how much I enjoyed doing nothing after work, and now that I don't have all that much time to rest and sleep, I find myself having to drink caffeine during the day, to give myself the energy I need. This has never been the case but I'm also getting less sleep, so it makes sense. 

I've been told by numerous people in my life that I sometimes spread myself out like butter, or that I overcommit (if thats a word) and am always busy.  I didn't really see that as a problem, but I've come to the realization that I make myself extremely busy to avoid dealing with the hard facts - the feelings!

It eventually gets to a point where you feel yourself about to crash and burn, and I've gotten to the point where I know i need to just focus and regroup, and gather my thoughts on my life, the people in it, how they compliment it, and if not, why are they still in it.  This may seem weird but when the whole Spitzer scandal was going on, they posted a link to the chick's myspace page and I went and here's what I managed to 'pimp out': (its from girl number 8 - i had saved it because i agreed w/ the questions she asked)

positive energy will attract positive energy: Law of Attraction

Current mood: determined

Hello Everyone!! how are you?? This Blog i am going to just talk about my feelings on relationships...from a boyfriend/girlfriend, to closest friends, to family and business relationships...they are all the same to me...

The past few months have been a roller coaster with so called friends, lovers, and family...but its something you have to deal with and confront in order to move on... 

I stepped away from each situation that happened and asked myself...

1) What is this person doing to make my life better? (financial, intel, drive, networking etc.)

2) How does this person make me feel? (happy, sad, motivated, depressed, constantly doubting, drama, etc.)  

3) How is this person a positive influence in my life? (do they share the same interests, same dreams, does that person make me better when i am with them, or when they are in my life...i would be the same person if they werent in my life, but its just better with them in it...is my best interest always number one in their head AND heart, etc.)

From all this, i mean...

*Does that person make you feel good?

*Does that person drive you to be better?

*Is that person right there behind you when things arent that good, or even if they are??

*Will that person be an asset to your life...(will that person have value): doesn’t have to be financial, i am talking respect, courage, and umm RESPECT.

If you are in a relationship, and it is "doing absolutly nothing" for you, makes you feel bad about yourself or situations, just causing unessesary drama, and ruining things that you may actually care about...why would you want that in your life?? you need to surround yourself with the people that make you feel good, and that will help you get to that next step in your life. that is what a relationship is all about...growing and moving forward.

Surround yourself around people that are making moves, and doing what "they want and love" with their lives, positive energy...thats what life is all about...living. Because if you dont, misery loves company, they will only try to bring you down with them...but the question is, are you strong enough, to not let that happen?

 Its hard to see if you let it get to that point...and then from all those answers you have to decide if that person is worthy of being a part of "your" life....because it is your life, your show...you decide who you want the characters to be...not the other way around. Every person is different, every person has their voice...can you recognize your voice, listen to it, and stick up for it??

What's the most expensive article of clothing you own? Why did you buy it?

Northface coat or spyder jacket - in the upper 200s...I buy good quality stuff but I usually make sure its on sale, so I don't splurge on things...those are the only items i can think about off the top of my head.  Coats are always expensive, its not worth going cheap w/ them - I hate being cold.

What's your favorite way to travel?

on a plane, w/ carryon. ive never traveled first class but i bet its nice to have tons of leg room. i like planes because i fall asleep on them very quickly and because they get me to my destination quicker.  i rarely ever use their bathrooms and i love some of AAs planes because they have this flexible cushion thingies for your head that facilitate the increase in comfort level...especially in the exit row :) i love the exit row because im so tall - just not the window seat because it makes me wake up numb.

Chi's QoTD:  What does liquor do to you?

I'll tell you what it does to me. It makes me want to be held. It makes me want to cuddle. It makes me funnier than usual and it also makes me a tad bit more of a risk taker.  Certain things make me shy, but then I loosen up, like w/ dancing.  It makes me want to pick up my phone and make a couple of phone calls, and it makes me want to speak my mind. It also makes me sleepy (depending on how much i drank - i have diff't stages that i go through) and want to cuddle even more.

I drank last weekend on Friday, and like always, yearned for arms around me.  I wanted to drink Saturday because I wanted to dance, and i ended up drinking too little, so I only made it to the 'i want to go to sleep' stage. i literally lounged out at the bar.

I drank last night for Patty's Day w/ my coworkers and I had 4 drinks.  4 drinks over my limit. I flirted with strangers, only for the heck of it, because everyone was wild last night.  I sobered up while driving home, and once i got there - i got drunk again. 

I stripped and again, wanted to cuddle. But my head was pounding and I'm an email fanatic, so I tried to check email, but I tried while I was laying down, on my side, w/ my computer also on its side and i think I may have fallen asleep spooning w/ my laptop.  fun, fun, fun...

I woke up brand new this morning, thinking, what the...

First thing is that my apple martini last night was like 3.50 at one place, and then number two, i was like what the hell - i went out on a work night. I never go out, even when I lived in LA...I had fun though, so I may have to flip the script and increase my tolerance. im too tall to be a lightweight. its almost an oxymoron.

What question do you hate being asked?

why are you single?

(as if its an uncurable disease)

What's the best part about living with a roommate? Worst?

best: paying half the rent

worst: cleaning up after them (although i dont have to do that anymore - those were some of my college roomies)

Is that what they said in Bad Boys, to like stop themselves from spazzing out?

I need something.

Its (full) Day 1 of being home, and despite it being Friday, and me working from home, people seem to have forgotten that i have a freaking job. I have already been called, texted and asked way too many questions for my liking.

I woke up early, had to run to my mom's place to wait for a package, called ups to learn that one (out of 3) was already being sent back to the sender, then i had to run back to my house, wait for fedex, then my dad came over, i have numerous conference calls in between all of this and i still have a lot to do. 

all i want to do is shower, blow out my hair and go out. what the freaking fuck.

its nice to be away and not be bothered by peoples problems. damnnnnnnnnnnnn.

coming back to drama never changes.

im ignoring calls today and doing me. dont judge.

What's your favorite ingredient to cook with?

I love cooking with oregano & garlic. I couldn't just pick one!